On hold

I'm being put on hold to wait for several key things that could potentially change the course of my career. I guess it's the 3-year itch season once more. But unlike before I now know what I want to do - career-wise. I'm more sure of myself now (yes, yes, I'm growing..! finally! lol). This time there's no rush into things but I'm so ready to take on new challenges!

I'm putting on hold my planned year-end snowboardtour to Swiss, why? Because I seriously want to give training time for Tokyo Marathon. I want to complete the race to prove to myself that I can be strong. I'm learning to prioritize! We can only do so much in our lifetime ---so....why not focus on the ones that matter most? :D

Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer. William S. Burroughs

Shopped at Gap's Men's

Finally TM is willing to go through the hassles to upgrade his 'image'. I've been telling him that he needs to value the saying - DRESS TO SUCCESS, especially since he's a journalist.

Last night was a spur of the moment shopping date and we ended up a big bag of Gap 1969 items! One item we both thought really looks good on him is the current 19689 Must Have, the white solid oxford shirt. Unfortunately, they didn't have stock for his size, so we ended up buying the ombre gingham work shirt,along with a couple of jeans, a vest and a tee. Gap's M size perfectly fits him which is really nice because he doesn't need to worry about alterations. And of course at Gap you get quality smart casual clothes at a reasonable price, plus the staff was really very helpful giving advises. At one point he felt he needed verification of my 'thoughts' with the friendly staff! <two thumbs up!>

Although a lot of people thinks otherwise, it's surprising how uncertain TM is when it comes to dressing up. He wanted to get my approval for the new fashion he wants to show the world - the 'new him' and it feels good that someone values my thoughts. But the truth is, I was just helping him decide from the choices that are available to him. The 'new him' is not really new, it is just probably a more refined version of him.

From time to time we feel the need to update our style and that's really good. But the basics should always remain - does the style reflect who you are? is it practical and consistent with your lifestyle and job? are you comfortable with it? does this new look make you feel good? If it does, then there's no reason not to go for it!

I Must Be Out Of My Mind

I chatted with an HR specialist today and I was surprised to hear what I have heard.

Honestly I don't know where your dissatisfaction is coming from. This salary, the interesting job you have, plus the freedom of time and the capacity to balance work and play, it is rare to have what you have. It feels like a waste if you want to give them up.

I was just as surprised to hear myself answering back:

Yes I supposed so if you put it that way. The problem is I feel my life has been stagnant. Yes, everyday is fun and comfortable but I need chaos to spark the fire within me. I risk losing some or all of what I have now, but I don't know if I want or need what I have now.

I am 100% not confident that I know what I want and need that is why there always is a shadow of doubt lingering. Maybe it is not the smartest move to get out of my comfort zone. But having no passion for doing stuffs is like living with a hollow soul. I really must be crazy.

Still In Doubt

When I was a young teenager and whenever I argued with my parents, well, my Mom in particular, she would always say that I'll understand things better once I reached adulthood.

20 years later and I still don't know what she means by that statement. Experience had led me to even more confusing facts as well as complex emotions that makes comprehension very challenging at times. To lightly describe the feeling: Funny. Sad. Intriguing. Scary.

When I was in my 20s, I had big dreams, big aspirations, and a very brave heart willing to be punched and punch to make those dreams come true. I was so sure of myself. But these days I tend to second-guess myself. I don't know why. Can I do it? Do I really want to do it? Have I got the passion to get through it? Questions I ask myself.

I'd like to think that doubt comes with the growing up territory because now you know better, now you know that the world out there is a tough one. Now you use your brains more.

Geez, have I been evolving? I hope so, in some ways. I won't redefine myself in my 30s but I have the drive to 'refine' myself to the kind of person I want to be remembered by. It doesn't matter whether if to some: I'd be a bitch, and to others an angel.

Bottom-line, I'd very much like to matter.

What Color Are You?

I had a chance to talk to some friends last night about each of us having our own 'color' that represent who we are. Pink is girlie, Black is either classic or boring (depending on how you accessorize them!) and so on. I joked and told my friends that I should probably start to think of turning 'PINK' because it seems that my love life is not turning into the more favorable direction, so a change, perhaps be a bit more girlie, could do the trick...?

One of my guy-friends strongly objected to the PINK idea. He said, pink doesn't suit me! I don't know if it was a compliment or insult but I laughed out so hard. Yep, I can wear pink but I can't be that pink. I'm more of a RED person: independent, passionate, romantic and brave in some ways. I think I'm sticking with the way I am, it's more comfortable to be this way ;) Screw love life! haha (read: you either take me or leave me for who i am)

So...what color are you?