One Last Cry

I didn't want to turn the final breakup into a public circus and I don't actually have the heart to really disclose the full details of the very last time I have cried. Looking back now, I can't decide whether I have shed the tears for the long (3 years) saga of sorrow, laughter, love and hate relationship, or for finally realizing that it is never really going to work. I am still in debate with myself if the real reason for me crying is because I finally admitted that the relationship I had put my hopes on is really a catastrophe, or I cried simply because I have realized that the man who makes up 50% of the past 3 years pages of my diary just doesn't possibly love me enough. Not in the way I have hoped for, not in the way I would have wished. Quite frankly, I am just very tired. I dont want to blame him, he already hates himself so much, but I don't know if I would have wanted more than a cold, sad and final goodbye. My one last cry for HB has washed away the last hope that was softly flickering against the strong, cold wind. Someday, I will think of you fondly, but for now, I am sorry but my mind is just rejecting everything you say, no amount of sorry or thank you will ever make things right, never again.....