In the middle of a career all-time low, God has blessed me with something really really wonderful. He has introduced me to a very very nice apartment. I still need to pass the financial background check to be accepted as a credible applicant, but just looking at the apartment last Saturday where I had the occular, it just felt that the long search has paid off. The rewards are bountiful when you wait. I apologize and at the same time thank my real estate agent Iida-san, for putting so little faith in him.
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Reading through Ton's blog, and knowing what she's going through, I really really want to give her a huge huge hug. I went through the same period. I understand how it feels to love someone so bad, so deep. And even though somewhere in your consciousness, your hope flickers so you can't let go. I've been there...twice. But I wanted to tell her that there will be better days, and she just have to hang on. I wanted to tell her that whenever I look at the person I once loved so much, all I see is...nothing good. I don't want to blame HB but a lot of what I'm going through now, professionally, are caused by the destructive feeling we had for each other. Whenever I look at him now, I don't see anything extraordinarily good. I don't feel anything extraordinarily strong. When I see him, all I have is pity on him. I can't say my life is so much better now. Hey, I'm on an all-time career low, right?! Love has found me again when I'm not looking. But I'm learning that love is 99% hard work. It is something you grow everyday, something that you sweat really really hard to keep. It's something that's as real as stressing over molds, over traffic jams, over money, over time, over basic individual differences...On the other hand, I'm also learning that love is the fire that keeps you warm enough to go through each stormy day, it's the cushion that lightens the impacts against anything bad that life throws at you. Yes, it stinks sometimes. Yes, it's a pain in the ass sometimes. But true love is something that no words can ever explain, and yet you believe that it exists and that no matter how ugly everything else around becomes, there is this special place that keeps you togethher through puffy eyes and stinky sweat. Both Gross and sweet. Love is.
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Yeah,...Not only did the doors close, they shut. Its ego-crushing, but it also provides an opportunity to learn and work harder the next time around. Another week will come, but I am excited and looking forward for new doors opening this week. It will come. In God's perfect time. And when these new doors open, I know that the wait will all be worth it.
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