Insomnia again..

My insomnia has kicked in again - and I thought that I could escape from this lifetime illness of mine. Yes, with all my years with T, my insomnia was cured, and I was sleeping tightly. But Iguess as the saying goes, nothing in this world is permanent. Anyway, I just finished watching Glee. The CM looked corny but it's interesting, with all the singing and the drama unfolding. 1st episode's geist - dont stop believing, follow your dreams. They sang Journey songs which sounded so good and fresh that I almost want to take my Journey CDs back from T. Ahh,,.I'm missing him. Sometimes I still forget that he's gone that I wake up in the middle of the night, calling his name, asking him to come to bed (as I always used to do). I still sleep at my side of the bed and still leave the other side empty. Self-help books say its not healthy. I sometimes go in his room, and just stand there, probably trying to feel what was left of him. Sometimes I wish to replay the night I came back from my road trip to the US in 2008. We had the most amazing night and when we hugged I felt that he really missed me. That is one of my fave moments with him. I miss looking at his handsome face. I miss his hands. I've been missing his hugs since early 2009. But I don't want to remember him anymore because it just brings too much tears. Sometimes I wish I have amnesia, but last night when I was at meditation class, I felt I was looking at myself and thought God help this poor girl. She has so much but she doesn't recognize all her blessings. She is wasting her time to be sad over wasted time.'.