Unexpected

Two days back at work. Tons and tons of unheard of info. Plus more and more and more changes. For starters, I am pulled out of my project. And my team is dissolved. In short more and more heartbreakers. Out of initial shock and desperation, I asked Samantha to have a couple of beers with me, and she turned out (to my pleasant surprise) with Mr. Single, my ex- ex- boss. It was a real fun and light drinks, and temporarily it helped eased away the shock. Honestly I'm devastated, for myself, for the people I manage and for my stakeholders. I'm not yet at liberty to honestly explain the real reasons and hard facts behind these business decisions. This is where my weakness as a manager comes out. In my private moments, I mourn, for loss of employees, for loss of personal career advancement, for loss of motivation and for waste of money, time and dedication. T has provided listening ears and strong shoulders to lean on, in spite of his very busy schedule and all the fatigue kicking in. He was there for me, listening attentively, and then finally voicing out what he thinks should be the right thing to do for me. What struck most was that he told me that it's my responsibility to face these and since I cannot change anything because the company has made its decisions, I need to look at the situation from the top, at an executive level. He strongly thinks that I should carefully plan, and think, and even rehearse the words that will come out of my mouth as I live through these professionally trying weeks. And he said that as I live through this, he believes that there are lessons and wisdom to learn that will serve its better purpose in the future. He said that I should cry today but I should wake up to a brand new heart to battle this one out. Surely, I woke up with a renewed spirit, steadery and braver.

T must have been really tired because instead of the usual 5.30, he got up a little past 8 and didnt have time to go home and change. I feel guilty because I was tired and sleepy too that I didnt wake up ahead to prepare coffee. I still tried and as he put on his shoes and was ready to leave, I held the coffee mug and have him sip a little, it sure is so much better than a totally empty stomach. I'm surprised to feel my heart skip half a beat just by remembering that simple, seemingly uneventful, and yet sweet morning. With T, I'm not just learning a lot about daily living, but I am actually learning and experiencing relationship at an unexplainable level. A relationship that's mature enough to do away with petty fights, and forgive each other's pettishes, but childish enough to enjoy tv time, play time, and make fun of each other. A relationship that seems so strong and pliant like a bamboo, but just as fragile as china. A relationship that may not last me a lifetime, but I'll be forever grateful for each page turned. This is unexpected. And I believe this defines life...