月曜日, 8月 29, 2011

Still In Doubt

When I was a young teenager and whenever I argued with my parents, well, my Mom in particular, she would always say that I'll understand things better once I reached adulthood.

20 years later and I still don't know what she means by that statement. Experience had led me to even more confusing facts as well as complex emotions that makes comprehension very challenging at times. To lightly describe the feeling: Funny. Sad. Intriguing. Scary.

When I was in my 20s, I had big dreams, big aspirations, and a very brave heart willing to be punched and punch to make those dreams come true. I was so sure of myself. But these days I tend to second-guess myself. I don't know why. Can I do it? Do I really want to do it? Have I got the passion to get through it? Questions I ask myself.

I'd like to think that doubt comes with the growing up territory because now you know better, now you know that the world out there is a tough one. Now you use your brains more.

Geez, have I been evolving? I hope so, in some ways. I won't redefine myself in my 30s but I have the drive to 'refine' myself to the kind of person I want to be remembered by. It doesn't matter whether if to some: I'd be a bitch, and to others an angel.

Bottom-line, I'd very much like to matter.

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